The Show – Part 1

In April, I took part in Breast Cancer Now’s ‘The Show’ – it was a first for me on a fashion runway & a first for ‘The Show’ because they’ve never had a wheelchair-using model before. However, there’s so much to write about that I’m splitting my story over the May & June blogs.

In April, I took part in Breast Cancer Now’s ‘The Show’ – it was a first for me on a fashion runway & a first for ‘The Show’ because they’ve never had a wheelchair-using model before. However, there’s so much to write about that I’m splitting my story over the May & June blogs.

Photo credit: Breast Cancer Now – I’m at the end of the runway, Illuminate, Science Museum, London. I’m wearing Jayley Collection & a mixture of Tatty Devine accessories, & my own.

Alt Text: A fashion runway. A middle-aged female wheelchair user with brown/blond, shoulder-length hair, wears a full-length rainbow sequined party dress & trench coat with a pink faux fur collar, a headband with a silver heart, pink dangly earrings shaped like jellyfish, round pink/brown glasses & black court shoes. She has her hand on her heart & she is smiling for the camera. Other diverse models in very glamorous party clothes are following her on the runway. On a white back wall, the words “The Show by Breast Cancer Now” are printed in black capitals.

November 2022’s blog was all about being selected for ‘The Show’ & the photo shoot. This month’s blog is all about what happened pre-show. June’s blog will be about ‘The Show’ itself because I’ve got so much to say!

‘Showtime’ came around much quicker than anticipated, which basically meant that it was too late for me to back out, lol! I’m glad that I pushed myself out of my comfort zone because I had the time of my life & I made some lovely friends.
Before I tell you about my experience, I want to pay tribute to all the other volunteer models. I don’t usually use the word ‘brave’ because of its somewhat patronising context when it comes to describing disabled people, but my new friends are brave. They’re also beautiful, welcoming, funny & celebrate life to the max. All of them are living with or beyond Breast Cancer. They’re determined people. They spread love & joy. They accepted me for who I am. They immediately made me feel comfortable & part of their gang. That doesn’t always happen to me.

And then there’s ‘The Show’ crew – Rebekah Roy, our stylist, who absolutely ‘got’ me, & then dared me to push my style a little further. Well actually I went a lot further as she got me into a full-length rainbow sequined dress & a trench coat with a pink faux fur collar by Jayley Collection! She’d also picked up from my notes that I love Tatty Devine jewellery, so I got to wear a statement necklace & statement earrings from their brand. We didn’t have to do that many alterations to the clothes, except for a lovely pair of Plisse blue trousers that we cut to fit my non-conventional leg lengths. The trousers were part of the first outfit from Primark which I really loved wearing as it matched my newly-made, silver & blue orthotic trainers (yep, orthotics on the catwalk, baby!)

About a week before ‘The Show’, I went to Breast Cancer Now’s offices in the City (London) to see my outfits for the first time. When Rebekah wheeled in the rail, my eyes immediately went to a long sequined dress & matching floor-length coat. “Wow!” I exclaimed. Rebekah said she was pleased that I liked it, because she had it in mind that I would wear it!

When I first met Rebekah, I fired all sorts at her – clothes that I wouldn’t wear, fabrics that I didn’t like, that I chose clothes for their shape rather than their sizes, etc. I brought some of my own clothes & accessories to show her. I wrote copious notes about brands & accessories alongside my access notes. Rebekah took all that in, & some! It’s like she had started to live inside my head. She could see the clothes that I liked & that I would wear a bit of glitter or sequins. However, she realised that I wasn’t going as far as I could. What Rebekah did was take my style & take it up a notch, not only to push me out of my comfort zone, but to also make me look a million, trillion dollars. It didn’t matter if it was High Street or Designer fashion, she made it for me & my body.

Photo credit: Stephane Cony – Rebekah Roy & I at the final dress fitting, Breast Cancer Now’s offices, City of London.

Alt Text: A lady with red/brown curly hair & a long fringe, wearing a black dress with gold studs & gold sleeves, black tights & black patent shoes kneels next to a wheelchair user, smiling. The wheelchair user is the same lady from the first photo & she’s wearing the same outfit. She’s also smiling. They have their arms around each other. In the background is a camping bed & a tv screen. They’re in a small office space.

Deborah Britz, our choreographer, had thankfully worked with a wheelchair user before. I think she was pleased that I didn’t run anyone over or crash into anyone! I loved the practices that we did together & all the advice about keeping your head up & looking straight forward whilst always smiling. She said at the end of ‘The Show’ that I’d been really easy to work with (I hope she doesn’t mind me saying that), so that’s a ‘first’! I made sure that I told my family who all think I’m a complete Diva!

Each show always has a ‘Model Buddy’, someone who has been a volunteer model for ‘The Show’ before. She’s there to support us through the process & to give us encouragement. Our Model Buddy Fay was wonderful. Every time I got to the end of the runway, I could hear Fay shouting & cheering for me. You can hear her in all the film footage that my family & friends made, it’s so funny! She was so enthusiastic about every single one of us. Thank you Fay for being amazing.

Ellie Barnes, Catherine Gunn & Maggie Dent are Breast Cancer Now’s Special Events Team. They did everything they could to meet my access requirements. We went on a journey together, such as learning about the height of camping beds (I get dressed in bed so they managed to source one backstage for me), & the size of the turning circles of my wheelchair on the runway. They also built me a private dressing room, away from the hectic communal dressing room next to the stage, but near the accessible toilet. They took me to see the venue, Illuminate (Science Museum, London), to test out the access (which was perfect). It was important for everyone that I practiced my timings of getting off the runway, taking the lift down to my dressing room & coming back up again to the runway. I did this in 1.5 minutes, people!!!! But I wasn’t so fast on show day – more about that in June’s blog, lol!

Hana was my dresser & she was amazing for two reasons – 1. she’d never been a dresser before (she volunteered along with her friend) & 2. she’d never supported a disabled person before. She took it all in her stride & she was patient & caring. We were a perfect match because she’s a music student so we had loads in common to talk about. Stephane also helped dress me & the three of us blitzed through garments, tights & accessories with lightning speed! Hana also became dress-maker when we realised that myPrimark trousers were still too long so she measured me up, got a pair of scissors & bingo, the ends were lopped off my trousers!

Photo credit: Stephane Cony – Hana & I at the end of our first show, posing underneath the pink neon Breast Cancer Now sign, Illuminate, Science Museum, London.

Alt Text: A young lady with short black hair, dressed in a black top & trousers with white trainers, kneels next to the same wheelchair user in the first photo. The wheelchair user is in the sequined outfit. They have their arms around each other, smiling. We’re in a white space that has turned pink & purple because of the lights. Above us is a pink neon sign that says ‘Breast Cancer Now.’

Thank you also to Ariane Poole for doing my make-up so beautifully & for the make-up tips. It was so nice meeting you.

Thank you to all the stylists, make-up artists, volunteers, film-makers, photographers, designers, brands & products who all donated their time, their garments & their products that all made us feel amazing.

And finally my boyfriend Stephane. There’s NO WAY I could have done this without him. He helped me at all of the fittings, he filmed lots, he photographed lots, he chatted away to everyone & was generally helpful to all. He was cheering his heart out &, in the end, he cried tears of joy. That was very moving for me. My sister Louise & my brother Liam said that they were just about managing to hold back the tears until they saw Steph, & then they lost it too! Steph got on well with all of the models & the crew, & became a part of the gang too, which was really nice for the both of us.

Photo credit: One of my friends or family – Steph & I dancing in front of the Breast Cancer Now ‘The Show’ sign at the top of the runway.

Alt Text: A man with a bald head & glasses, wearing pale blue jeans, a blue & white top & trainers with a tropical pattern design, stands with his legs apart, knees bent, with his arms & hands stretched out. He is laughing. Next to him is a lady in a wheelchair with curly brown/grey, shoulder-length hair, wearing a long, pale blue dress with printed white flowers on it, silver & blue trainers, & white tights with black skulls printed on them. She stretches one leg out in front of her & her arms & hands up in the air. She is also laughing.

Something important that Steph did was to talk at length to Baroness Delyth Morgan, who is the Chief Executive of Breast Cancer Now, about all the varied experiences that I’ve had accessing Breast Cancer care & services. Delyth then introduced herself to me & we talked at length about what could improve a disabled person’s experience when being treated for breast cancer, & how Breast Cancer Now could reach out to more diverse people. Thank you Delyth for taking the time to listen to me & for giving me the opportunity to take part in ‘The Show.’

The Pre-Show:

After a lovely meal in South Kensington the night before with the other models (during which I knew I was in good company because everyone got tired by 9pm & wanted to go home, it’s those bloody cancer drugs), I pre-arranged with the crew to arrive later on show day. I felt that it was important to keep my morning routine & all that comes with it (especially remembering to take my medication). I had to be mindful of my energy levels. The models’ call was 8.30am & I got there at 11am. When I arrived, I had to race straight upstairs to rehearse with the other models. They were in their first outfits – ‘A Day at the Seaside’, whereas I was in a black t-shirt & trousers – such glamour, lol! A little while later, I went downstairs to explore my private dressing room; it was such a sweet little boudoir with a camping bed, a rail hung with my two outfits & a little divider with white curtains. A box of Tatty Devine accessories were on a small table. I was on the same floor as the hair & make-up stations. I’ve honestly never seen so much make-up on one table & so many stylists & make-up artists standing in line, ready for their models. ‘The Show’s’ two male models, Jim & Phil, also had a little private section next to mine, which was really nice.

Being ultra-organised as ever, but also knowing my terrible memory, I’d made a list of my two runway outfits & what I was wearing for both the Afternoon Tea & the evening’s After Party. Stephane stuck them to the black curtain that divided the dressing rooms. I also made a sign saying “Suzanne’s Boudoir” in case anyone came looking for me. Steph tacked this to the white curtained divide.

Photo Credit: Model’s own – My colour-coded outfit list stuck to the wall in my dressing room.

Alt Text: Two white A4 pages stuck side by side, on a black curtain, with a list of outfits, accessories & little doodles on them, drawn with felt pens. Page 1 – a doodle of a red parasol stuck in a strip of yellow sand, with a strip of blue sea above it. The text says – Blue Seaside Outfit – Silver jewellery (no bracelet), small silver studs & large silver hoop earrings, silver rings, esp. Blue stone ring, black rimmed glasses, blue & silver trainers, skulls white tights, whiter underwear, flesh-coloured crop top (as bra), Rebekah’s TD blue birds necklace. The next list has a doodle of a disco ball in silver & gold. The text says – Sequinned & Fur Outfit – Silver & black heart headdress, Rebekah’s TD jellyfish earrings, silver spiky bracelet, small gold stud – LOVE – black bralette, black tights, blue/navy underwear, gold ‘fly’ ring, pink/brown round glasses, black court shoes. Page 2 – a doodle of a tea in a blue cup & saucer next to a slice of pink cake with yellow buttercream. The text says – Afternoon Tea Outfit – white V & A necklace, all silver jewellery, white (skull) tights or plain white tights, flesh vest top, blue & silver trainers, blue maxi-dress, white bralette. Then a doodle in orange, yellow & light pink colour of an art deco mirror. The text says – Evening Reception – Gold & pink batwing top, black long sleeve top, gold/black jersey trousers with leaf, black tights, black court shoes, gold rainfall necklace, leopard skin bracelet, all gold jewellery, L.G. gold hoops, black bralette, black underwear.

Photo credit: Hana – Hana, Suzanne & Stephane at the entrance to ‘Suzanne’s Boudoir.’

Alt Text: A selfie pose of two women & a man, standing at an entrance to a dressing area. The white curtained divider has a sign stuck to the top of it which says “Suzanne’s Boudoir” in pink capitals & has doodles of a pair of eyes with blue eyeshadow & black eyeliner & long eyelashes, a pink heart & a pair of ruby red lips.

We separated out different piles of underwear, clothes, shoes, & my accessories from ‘The Show’s’ accessories, around the dressing room. We made sure that I had enough space to get to the bed. As the second part of the rehearsal was about to begin, Hana & Steph dressed me in my party outfit. Now was the moment of truth! The dress was a skin-tight fit so they both had to pull quite hard to get it over my lumps & bumps, lol, as well as being careful that the sequins didn’t come off. That went ok. Whilst the dress length didn’t fall beyond the wheels of my chair, the trench coat did. Rebekah had devised a way of pulling the coat away from the wheels by gathering & fastening the middle pieces of it into a rose shape in my mid drift. She did this with a hairband & it was so effective. At the fitting, I made sure I had a few goes up and down the office space to make sure that the hairband would hold for the duration of the runway. I was afraid that the coat would get caught in my wheels, scattering sequins everywhere & probably catapulting me across the floor. The hairband worked! Hana, Steph & I were quite nervous of recreating this on the day but after a few false starts & double checks, we got there. I also managed to put one of my Nan’s round, white-bead & gold brooches at the centre of the hairband which really set the coat off nicely. Once my court shoes & all the other accessories were on. I carefully went up in the lift to join the other models.

Everyone looked out of this world. They were stunning in their glamour, sequins, heels, flowing dresses, beautiful suits, everything. Suddenly all our garments made sense. Little glimpses of styles & colours appeared within each others’ outfits. Once we were together, the theme of the piece became evident, & with this completed, we became one unit. The air was filled with shouts of delight – “Oh my god, you at you!” “You look fabulous!”, etc.

We started rehearsing the last segment of ‘The Show.’ I was only in the first & the last scenes (there were four scenes /four outfit changes) because we were all worried, me included, about not being able to change me quickly enough. I need time to change & if I rush, I fall & then it’s chaos. That’s me. Rinse & repeat! I’d watched the other two scenes because I wanted to see what the next set of outfits would be & knowing that I probably wouldn’t remember the sequences by timings, I listened carefully to the changes in music to understand the cues – trust me, this becomes very important later & I’ll explain more in June’s blog!

The last part of ‘The Show’ was about glamour & partying, so I was second out after Mary Elisabeth, & then Jim followed me. Mary looked like an ethereal angel. She was wearing a beautiful full length white/silver dress. Jim was wearing a suit made entirely of silver sequins. Then the music came on & it was a piano version of Coldplay’s ‘Yellow & Blue.’ I looked at Mary Elisabeth & she was crying, then the helpers & crew cried, then I cried &then I think all the models probably cried.

Our model buddy Fay had said that there would be a moment when we would all realise the enormity of what we were doing, how far we’d come, how good we suddenly felt, how proud of ourselves we were, that this was a truly magical moment, & standing between Jim & Mary Elisabeth was that moment for me. We had to stand for quite a while so that all the models could line up next to one another. Thank god I wasn’t wearing make-up at that point. I made a mental note to try & not look anyone in the eye. I always cry, always, at everything.

But as quick as that moment arrived, ‘Freak Out’ by Chic came on & we all had to start dancing & moving on to the next sequence. Fashion time is fast time!

I didn’t really have much time to kill before the start of the Afternoon Show. I went to one of the little styling stations first – they had proper Hollywood style mirrors with lights around the outside, & a large collection of GHD styling equipment & products laid out before me. I found that impressive!

The stylist was great & turned my brown/blond/grey messy hair into something that Farah Fawcett might be proud of. I was very happy with that. We chatted away (not about our holidays though, lol!) & it made me feel less nervous.

Photo credit: Stephane Cony – With the stylist, making light of my wild hair, on the floor below the runway, at Illuminate, Science Museum, London.

Alt Text: A female wheelchair user dressed in black, sits at a table with lots of hair styling products & equipment, & a mirror with white light bulbs, on it. Her hair is being styled by a woman with long, blond curly hair, wearing a blue medical mask & black clothes. She is holding tongs & curling the wheelchair user’s hair.

Then it was make-up time. There was this huge trestle table covered in Estee Lauder products & Mac eyelashes. Incredible. I spoke to one of the runners to say that I was a little nervous, mentioning my allergies to lots of products, but then mumbling nervously that Estee Lauder had sent me lots of testers (thank you!) to try out & that “I’d probably be ok…” The young runner was lovely. She replied, “Don’t worry, my mum is leading the stylists, I’ll get her to do you.” And guess who her mum was – Ariane Poole! I recognised her from her days at GMTV & This Morning. I was thrilled to be made up by her & we had a really interesting chat about how cancer treatment ruins your skin pigment & how your tried & tested foundation might now turn orange on you. (Thanks what happened to me & it really annoyed me. Cancer sucks the fun out of everything!) She was so kind & friendly, I loved being pampered & I loved my false eyelashes too.

Photo credit: Breast Cancer Now – the trestle table with make-up & products as far as the eye can see!

Alt Text: A trestle table covered with make-up split into sections – an area for foundations, an area for lipsticks, brushes, etc. The trestle table is in a large room & a few people are milling around in the background.

Suddenly we were being called upstairs. I could hear the excited babble of the audience, invited family & friends, & supporters. My mouth went dry. I heard the afternoon presenter Kate Lawler preparing the audience for the start. Hana was with me backstage. Steph had gone to take his seat with Fay at the end of the runway.

‘The Show’ opened with Dahlia talking openly & honestly about being a young woman diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Her speech was very moving; she didn’t shy away from the difficulties, but there was hope & light in her words. She talked about being a researcher on breast cancer treatments & then her shock at being diagnosed with it herself. Imagine how triggering that is.
There was lots of emotion backstage. I looked at all of us. I was surrounded by people who were diverse in every way possible, & we had been thrown into the toughest & rawest of situations. Yet we were here in the Science Museum, willing to share our experiences in the hope of helping others. The audience listened in silence, lost in their own thoughts & emotions.

I thought of my mum looking down on me & I could hear her laughing voice saying “what are you up to now!”. I thought of my sister Louise, & how happy I was that she was in the audience. I thought about the hell that we’d all been through, sometimes together, & sometimes alone. That mum hadn’t come out the other side, but because of the advances in treatment, Louise & I had. I thought about my dear friend in the audience, Caroline & her recent heartbreak. I thought about my other friends & colleagues in the audience & watching online. I thought about how grateful I was to have all these people wrapping their collective arms around me. I felt a calmness descend.

I thought about Kammie telling me not to wheel out too fast, as she was following me & couldn’t keep up. I remembered Georgia saying that she was glad she was wearing sunglasses because she knew she’d cry like a baby.

My last thought was “Don’t f**knit up Suz!” And then the curtain was pulled back & I was being told to “Go, go, go!”

Find out in June’s blog if I indeed did f**k it up. If my sequins survived the runway. If my sister blagged it into the evening show. Just how much did I cry? And how good was the backstage cottage pie?!