The Show Part 2

It’s showtime! How did I do as Breast Cancer Now’s first ever wheelchair-using model?

Photo Credit: Breast Cancer Now.
Oversize shirt & trousers from Primark. Blue/green Swallows necklace from Tatty Devine.

Alt text: A middle-aged, white woman in a wheelchair on a fashion runway with other diverse models. They wear summer outfits. She has curly, grey, blond & brown shoulder length hair. She is wearing a necklace with blue/green swallow bird shapes, pink/brown round glasses, a blue, white & yellow oversize shirt, blue Plisse trousers & blue & silver trainers. She poses for the camera, smiling, at the end of the runway. Behind her in the distance is a white wall with ‘The Show by Breast Cancer Now’ written in black capital letters.

To recap:
In Autumn 2022 I was chosen to be Breast Cancer Now’s first ever wheelchair-using model for ‘The Show’, their event to celebrate diverse models who are living with or beyond Breast Cancer.

What happened?

Did I f**k it up? Yes, during the first show in the afternoon!

Did the sequins survive the runway? They all stayed intact & never got caught up in my wheelchair.

Did my sister Louise blag her way into the evening show? Of course she did!

How much did I cry? Not really that much. (Usually I get very emotional at everything).

And how good was the backstage cottage pie? OMG! We got fed this before the evening show started & it was magnificent!

I left May’s blog at the point of going onto the runway. On the Floor Manager’s command of “Go, go, go!” I shot out from behind the curtain but then I remembered that Kam had told me to go slow as she was following me. I’m not sure if I did go slow because I heard afterwards that everyone went much faster than expected & the first show was over in a record time. That’s nerves for you!

I was blinded by lights & faces. All around me people were one big, happy, smiling, crying (happy tears) & cheering blur. This might sound cheesy but it was so uplifting & heartwarming. I had to really fight to keep the tears back. I was so overwhelmed but in a really lovely way. I felt so much love! I was looking for my friends & family, but it wasn’t until I slowed down for the pose & the end of the runway, thenI turned the corner, that I saw Caroline & Catherine. I hope I said hello! And then as I was coming to the end of the runway, I could hear Model Buddy Fay Field screaming my name & I knew Stephane (my boyfriend) was seated at the end, so I gave them both a massive grin.

After what seemed like a one second whizz around the floor, I met Hana, my dresser & Stephane, & we took the lift to my dressing room. I sped around fast. I got a loo break in, which impressed Hana as she said she’d never seen anyone do that so fast. Then Hana & Stephane started helping me into the long sequined dress & trench coat. The lists that Stephane had stuck to the curtain which detailed which accessories went with which outfits, came in very handy.
I was really, really nervous that time was running away from us. Both Hana & Stephane reassured me not to panic & that we had plenty of time, but I was listening to the music for my cues. As I said in May’s blog, I was so right to remember the music! I was gently urging both Hana & Stephane to get a move on, but they were very laid back. Then as we were putting the trench coat on & making sure that it wasn’t caught in my wheels or my shoes, I heard Joan Jet & The Blackhearts ‘I Love Rock & Roll’ from the floor above. “Wait, I said, if that’s Joan Jet, that means that they’ve reached the third scene already & it’s nearly time for the final party scene.” A few minutes passed. Hana & Stephane were still reassuring me. Suddenly from the dressing room, I heard Ellie, one of the Events Team, screaming “quick, get in the lift now!” Apparently the models had gone around twice more, waiting for me to come up to the second floor to join the runway! OMG, Hana, Stephane & I had never moved so fast in our lives! Poor Hana was still doing my head-dress in the lift. I shot out of it and straight onto the runway again.

I was absolutely mortified. From my perspective, the last thing I wanted to do was to make a mistake. As the first wheelchair user in ‘The Show’, I wanted to show that it’s absolutely doable to have disabled people in fashion shows. I know I shouldn’t put any pressure on myself & I fully recognise that this is internalised ableism, but there you go. I felt gutted.

Now I was confused & disorientated on the runway. Coming out late meant that I wasn’t in the same place now in the line-up. But being in this new place meant that I suddenly saw the rest of my friends & my sister in one big group. I laughed & I waved because they were all cheering & I was so relieved to see them.

Photo credit: Breast Cancer Now.
Dress & Trench Coat from Jayley Collection.
Jellyfish earrings from Tatty Devine. The rest of accessories are the model’s own.

Alt Text: A fashion runway. A middle-aged, white female wheelchair user with curly brown, blonde & grey shoulder-length hair, wears a full-length rainbow sequined party dress & trench coat with a pink faux fur collar, a headband with a silver heart, pink dangly earrings shaped like jellyfish, round pink/brown glasses & black court shoes. She is moving along the catwalk, waving, smiling & looking surprised to see the people she recognises.

We were at the point when all the models had to line up & wait for everyone to join the runway. My thoughts turned once more to the mistake. I think you can see in some of the photos that I’m looking flustered & anxious. But Chris came to my rescue. I was standing next to her & suddenly she turned around to face me with her arms outstretched. We hugged. I felt so much better & very touched that Chris had realised how anxious I was. And then the mistake didn’t matter anymore.

Photo Credit: Breast Cancer Now.

Alt Text: Two white women in sequined dresses hug on a fashion runway. One is a wheelchair user. They are both smiling. The woman who is standing is wearing a full-length blue sequined dress & blue platform shoes. She has curly, white hair. The wheelchair user is dressed as before.

As for the mistake, I found out later that I wasn’t the only one who missed my cue. Phil & Jim were also changing on the floor below – the three of us had our dressing rooms there for privacy. In my feedback, I suggested for next time that they have a video link on the floor below so everyone can see the pace of ‘The Show.’ Incidentally, Jim & Phil had four changes to do so all power to them for changing so fast between all of the scenes. I only had two changes & it was exhausting!

The first show was over very quickly. I apologised to everyone I could for making a mistake but the crew reassured me that the audience wouldn’t have noticed, which is true. Hana, Stephane & I had a quick debrief in which we all agreed that we didn’t really have a lot of time for changing after all! And then we laughed about it because in the grand scheme of things, the mistake really didn’t matter. Hana then went for her debrief with the crew. I was so flustered that instead of getting changed first, I went to see my family & friends in my designer outfit. I was still going on about the mistake I’d made but they all comforted me & said that they’d had a great time. They found Dahlia’s speech very moving & they loved all the models. I daren’t not tuck into the Afternoon Tea provided for fear of spilling anything down the dress! Hana then returned to remind me that I had to change into my own outfit before I carried on partying with my family.
In my own clothes once again, I started to relax. I had some very special guests & I was very grateful that they came. All my guests have helped me so much in many ways, not just over the past three years of Breast Cancer hell, but some have helped me over decades. Here’s just one of the lovely group photos that we took.

Photo credit: unknown.

Alt Text: A group of diverse people wearing great outfits, all gather for a group photo at the side of the runway. We’re all smiling.

And here’s a very special one of me & my sister Louise. I’m not sure what I’ve said to make her laugh so much, probably something highly inappropriate knowing our relationship, but I think this is one of the best photos of us.

Photo Credit: Unknown.

Alt Text: Two white women are sitting against a white wall. One is kneeling & one is sitting in a wheelchair. The woman who is kneeling is bent over double, laughing. She has long, straight, blond hair & she is wearing a short, leopard-print dress with puffed short sleeves & black tights. She leans on one wheel of the chair. The wheelchair user is whispering something in the other woman’s ear, grinning & with one arm around her. She wears the same glasses & trainers as before, but this time she is wearing a light blue maxi dress with small white & pink flowers, a large white necklace of flowers, large silver hooped earrings, white tights with little black skulls on them & two silver rings, one of which has a blue stone.

After crying happy tears, talking, reminiscing about the old days, photo-taking & laughing, it was the end of the Afternoon Tea party. Louise (my sister) said she was going off to hide in the toilet so she could get into the next show! Everyone started laughing. I guess blagging runs in the family! One of my friends jokingly said he was leaving in case she got him into trouble! Not wanting to be banned from future Breast Cancer Now activities, lol, I took her to see one of the event organisers. We both explained that we hadn’t seen our brother, Liam, in ages, & he was coming alone to the evening show. Thankfully Louise was allowed to stay for the evening show (thank you crew!)

I relaxed with Hana & Stephane between shows. We also took the time to replan the changeover. We agreed to drop the loo break if we could & to reducing the amount of accessories. Thankfully this worked because we did it so fast the second time around, that Hana & I had about a 10-minute wait backstage to go on. We were very proud of ourselves!

The changeovers are mad. It’s exactly like you see in any fashion show footage – clothes, arms, legs, bags & hats flying everywhere! Before the afternoon show, we laid everything neatly out. By the end of the afternoon show, clothes, underwear, shoes & accessories were scattered all over the bed & over the floor, completely jumbled up. At one point, I had Stephany taking my tights off one leg whilst Hana was doing the other! I needed both of them to put the floor length dress over my head whilst I was sitting in my wheelchair. But we did get a good system going in the end because if Stephane wasn’t needed for outfit duties, he took the position of handing me the accessories.

In between shows I also got a chance to spend time with the models. With 22 of us, I hadn’t spoken to everyone & it was really nice just chilling out with them. We were all tired, but we were all absolutely loving our runway experience. And we were absolutely slaying it like pros!

Now about that magnificent cottage pie…I usually don’t do so well in coping with what I call ‘mass catering’ situations, but everything about this pie was beautiful. Just the right amount of meat (there was a veggie option), & a divine mash potato topping. MMMMMMMMM!

After dinner, it was time to get a hair & make-up ‘touch up.’ Our Model Buddy Fay had said that we’d all feel more confident the second time around. This was so true. This time on the runway, followed our choreographer, Deborah’s, guidance, & I did more of looking up ahead of me & smiling. This definitely makes you look better in the photos. When I look back at the photos, I can see that I look more confident in the photos from the evening show.

The evening show was wild. Traditionally, most of the designers, suppliers & celebrities come to the evening one. They were certainly up for a party! They were all so enthusiastic which really spurred all the models on. To start proceedings, Dahlia did her speech once more. I heard a flicker of emotion in her voice; it’s so brave of her to share her experience with an audience once, let alone twice.

The tears pricked my eyes. I breathed in deeply. I really was here. I’d always wanted to try modeling. It is kind of weird that a horrible medical event should offer me the opportunity of a lifetime. As a cancer patient, you can’t just flick a switch & move on because you’re changed forever. But what you might be able to do is move forward. And I’m fairly resilient. If I set my mind to it, I can do anything. I also scrub up mighty fine, which I’m grateful for. It’s a miracle at my age & with the trauma lines that life has left on my body.

It was about this time that I learnt an important style tip backstage. Our stylist Rebekah was lightly spraying all of the dresses & skirts on the models to avoid creases, so Dahlia’s speech was punctuated backstage by quiet hisses here & there from the spray pump. It all added to the surrealness!

And then it was “Go, go, go!” again! This time, I slowed my runway pace right down which enabled me to smile at everyone as I came along. I soon saw my brother Liam with Louise & he was cheering, smiling & filming. (They were both crying happy tears at different points). I’ve never seen Liam & Louise look so happy.

There was a change in ‘The Show’s’ presenter – Sarah Cawood. This was a big deal for me because I grew up with the tv show ‘The Word’ & other such cutting edge cultural programmes. Back in the place that I rehearsed in the final scene, I was flanked by Mary Elisabeth & Jim. We all lined up as the other models came onto the runway. Sarah Cawood was crying her eyes out in front of me, Jim & Mary Elisabeth, bless her. I was so overwhelmed & again, I fought back the tears (I had to think of my false lashes!) I saw later on social media that she’d put up a little film that she’d made of the three of us & she’d captioned it with pink hearts & the words “Stronger Than Cancer.” That really melted my heart. I don’t really think think that anyone is stronger than that b****** cancer but I really appreciated the sentiment.

Just like the afternoon show, our names were read out & we came out one by one at the end. This time I got a standing ovation, which Liam filmed. It was one of those ‘wow’ moments. I got a massive rush of adrenalin. I felt very, very alive & so ready to face the world again. As I came off the runway, Baroness Delythn Morgan, CEO of Breast Cancer Now, handed me a bunch of flowers that were larger than my head (we all got flowers). All of the crew were lined up just as we all came off. They were clapping & cheering. I joined the others backstage. Hana gave me a massive hug. What a sweet, kind lady she was. She said that she’d cried too & she showed me a little film that she’d made. As models we hugged each other too. We all wanted to do it again!

I had yet another outfit that I’d especially put together for the evening reception, so I did my last change downstairs, & then I went back upstairs to party with Louise, Liam & Stephane. At the lift, I bumped into designer Zandra Rhodes & her husband, which I was thrilled about. She had leant outfits to ‘The Show.’ She was a very kind, friendly lady & said that she loved my Jayley Collection outfit. She said she’d enjoyed herself very much.

Once reunited with my family, I could properly relax this time around! I drank a couple of glasses of prosecco – I rarely drink alcohol now so the prosecco went straight to my head! Me, Stephane & Louise caught up properly with Liam for the first time in months. Here I am with Liam & Louise, with prosecco.

Photo Credit: Stephane Cony.

Alt Text: Two white women with a young, white male, sitting at a party, smiling & holding glasses of prosecco.

There were a lot of photos being taken & Chris led the charge to the dance floor. We partied the night away at Illuminate, Science Museum, with its windows looking out from the West into Central London. London lights are mesmerising.
I realised that I was sitting near to Diane Moran BEM, who is a patron of Breast Cancer Now, (some of you will know her as ‘The Green Goddess’ fitness instructor from BBC 1’s Breakfast Time programme). She was the first profile person that I was aware of as a child that had breast cancer. I introduced myself to her & her friend, & we talked for ages about how breast cancer treatment has advanced over the years. We also said how grateful we all were to still be here. I’m so glad that I took time out to speak with them both. It’s comforting to know that people from my mum’s generation, who were diagnosed decades ago, are still enjoying life.

Photo Credit: Stephane Cony.

Alt Text: Three older white women looking very glamorous, holding glasses of wine or prosecco, sit together in a party venue, smiling for the camera.

And then the party closed.

There were more surprises for the models when we got back to the floor below. We got lovely goody bags (so did the audience) & each of us received a lovely dressing gown. It was so unexpected. We said our final goodbyes & thank you’s, & hugged each other once again. I wandered into the night, feeling happier & richer for making so many new & kind friends.

Now & again, images from ‘The Show’ flicker back into my mind. Jim in his suit made of silver sequins. Phil dressed in a Matrix-type costume & doing all the Matrix-like poses at the end of the runway, so funny. Mary Elisabeth gliding down the runway in her silver dress with her pink hair in little curls. The ladies in the first scene, ‘At The Beach’, with their straw bags & massively over-sized sunglasses. I just laugh to myself.

This is difficult to write. When I think of ‘The Show’, I think of Mary Huckle the most, gliding down the runway in her red chiffon dress. Our kind, beautiful, generous friend Mary passed six weeks after ‘The Show.’ She was a fierce advocate for people with metastatic (secondary) breast cancer. She leaves a lasting legacy & she’ll never be forgotten.

Photo Credit: Breast Cancer Now.

Alt Text: A fashion runway lined with models on one side, clapping, & audience members on the other, also clapping & giving a standing ovation. Most people are looking at one model who is walking down the runway. She is a beautiful middle-aged lady with live skin, & a black & grey straight bob hairstyle. She has a butterfly tattoo on the inside of one of her forearms. She is wearing a red, floor-length, halter neck chiffon dress that is split at one side. One of her legs is showing as she walks gracefully down the catwalk, gently holding each side of her dress. She wears red trainers. She is smiling to herself.