Who holds your hand?

Who’s going to hold your hand through this Breast Cancer ‘stuff’? What’s going to help you cope? After much consideration, I think it’s others going through the same & being generous enough to share their stories.

Alt Text: A middle-aged white woman sits in a sunny spot in her lounge. She holds a small paperback back that’s called “Someone’s Survival Guide – Real stories & advice from Breast Cancer Survivors.”

When I got diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I thought I knew all about it because my mum & my sister had been diagnosed with it too. I thought I knew all about pain & getting through difficult situations because I was already disabled. I was completely wrong. I didn’t know s**t about Breast Cancer until I got it myself.

Since being diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I’ve gone on a massive learning curve which I’ve explored with you in my blog. Now I have a greater love, appreciation & respect for my mum & my sister & all Breast Cancer patients. Breast Cancer is relentless. It takes you to unimaginable depths of pain & fear.

I think I’ve written this before: once my surgery was canceled because of the pandemic, I decided to go back to work to take my mind off things. I told my sister what I was doing, giving her the reason that I was already disabled, so I was used to powering through medical upsets. She didn’t say much. About a month later, I phoned her up, crying, because I couldn’t cope with work. I admitted that having cancer was nothing like I’d ever experienced. She gently said that she knew that would happen, but she knew that I wasn’t ready to hear that. She said that the only course of action was to let me find out for myself. I’ve never played down having cancer since & I have a greater respect for the respite & recovery process.

I’m lucky because I have got my sister to turn to when I’m feeling anxious, as well as few dear friends & colleagues who have sadly walked the path of Breast Cancer. I’ve also got the new friends that I’ve made through Breast Cancer Now’s The Show & my online art class organised by Maggies Centre at Charing Cross Hospital. There’s a wonderful Cancer Community over on ‘X’ & we’ve embraced each other’s blogs & books alongside frank (& sometimes humorous!) exchanges about what we’re going through.

A couple of blogs back I reviewed some books about the cancer / disability experience which really helped me. After all, who’s best to hold your hand through all of this? In all reality, I think it can only be people who have been through exactly the same. They live the scanxiety, the fear, the pain & the confusion that I live through. On repeat.

Because I’ve got so much help & support, I jumped at the chance when my friend Philip Alderson asked me to be part of a book that he was putting together. I was eager to ‘pay it forward’ & help others. It was a simple invite to contribute – it didn’t matter how much you wanted to write. You could share your story, any advice, words of wisdom, a quote that might have helped you, song lyrics, anything really. I decided to keep mine very short; half a page to highlight that I have the special hell of being disabled & then getting diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I included a quote from the artist Tracey Emin about how she felt about getting cancer. That really resonated with me.

Despite the simple invite & instructions about how to submit my piece over instagram, I still messed up the format in which I had to send it. This happened because I’m a complete technophobe & because my brain seems to be in a permanent muddle – not a great combination! Philip was so kind to me because he updated the version which had been on sale for a couple of weeks so that my piece was included at the end. What a complete star you are Phil!

The book is called “Someone’s Survival Guide – real stories & advice from Breast Cancer Survivors.” What I like about the guide is that we were all given free reign to express what we wanted to. As a result, the book sends into the world a lot of love, kindness, generosity & empathy to people in the same situation. There are over 70 contributors, all living with & beyond Breast Cancer; all wanting to help people by telling their own narratives. All very different in their diversity but all offering some kind of hope & light in the bleakest of times. The practical advice gives insights into coping with the treatment. The quotes all resonate & they can motivate too. The songs can provide relief & solace during horrible, horrible times. What shines from the book is the triumph of the human spirit & our ability to be resilient.

I’m so glad that Philip asked me to be part of it & I’m so proud to stand beside all the other contributors. All proceeds of “Someone’s Survival Guide” go to Breast Cancer Charities & you can buy it here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0CRBHPSFH

Writing my blog & being part of the book has made me think more seriously about how I can contribute to the Breast Cancer narrative in a more public way & to give the perspective of a disabled person. This perspective is rarely included in any narratives. I haven’t got any daring plans this year – not like in previous years where I was an artist in Grayson’s Art Club & modelling in The Show, so it’s time that I explored writing outside of my blog. I’m intrigued to see where my writing can take me.

Before I go, I wanted to show off my new logo necklace – it’s the name of my blog site – ‘The Musings Of Spu.’ It’s been made by Tatty Devine & I think it’s so beautiful! I love their jewellery & I was lucky enough to model it on the catwalk last April. The new logo necklace will become the feature of the main page of my blog site. It’s part of a revamping that I need over the next couple of months. I hope you like the necklace as much as I do!

Alt Text: A necklace with a gold chain & yellow words which say “The Musings Of Spu.”