After the Biopsy

The initial elation of being clear of cancer has faded quickly.

Walberswick, Suffolk, England – bloggers own photo.

Alt Text: A photo of a small estuary on a cloudy day.  There are coloured boats, boat machinery, cars, vans & dark-coloured, wooden boathouses in the background.  Passengers are walking onto a wooden jetty, leaving a passenger ferry which has taken them from one side of the estuary to the other.  In the foreground are long yellow & green grasses.

In the midst of all the confusion after the hysteroscopy as well as a sudden, unexpected & very upsetting family bereavement, I managed to escape to Suffolk with my husband for a long weekend.  Dear friends of ours were hosting their Silver Wedding Anniversary party in a farmer’s field.  It was a mini festival in the depths of Suffolk with tents, live music, a food van, a bar, a camping field & many dogs!  At one point it absolutely bucketed it with torrential rain & we drove through sheet lightning to get there, but that’s part of the usual UK festival experience!  We had a magical time.

To get to the festival, we had to cross a little stream with a tiny wooden bridge, lit up with fairy lights & pass a copse with tall trees.  As we came off the bridge, there was a handwritten sign that said “Stay Away Fools.”  This is a metaphor for my life right now!

After the biopsy result, my GP acted quickly to get me another referral to Gynaecology.  I’m still in pain & having other horrible symptoms.  All the hysteroscopy told me was that I don’t have cancer.  That’s great.  But something clearly isn’t right because I’m on buprenorphine pain patches which only partially lessen the pain.

I didn’t wait long for a hospital appointment because I was offered a cancellation date.  This time around I saw a different Gynaecologist.  He was in the same team of the surgeon who came to meet me pre-biopsy in the day surgery area.  Unfortunately he had the same dismissive attitude as his team lead.  

Medical misogyny is alive & well within this team.  I’m absolutely furious about the way me, my GP & my Breast Cancer team (in the majority women) are being dismissed.  And what was said to me in the consulting room isn’t something that I’m making up or exaggerating for ‘clicks’ because my husband came with me & witnessed it all.

The Gynaecologist was absolutely adamant that if I was using a certain type of cream (this detail I’d like to keep private) with a small element of estrogen in it, then I should have accepted a (mirena) coil.  He went on & on about the importance of double checking with my Oncologist if I should be using this cream because I’m being treated for ER+ Breast Cancer.  He said that the coil would have been less risky than this particular cream & that the decision to treat me with cream & not the coil was contradictory.

This is gaslighting.  Of course it all played on my mind; that perhaps I had put myself at risk by opting for this particular cream.  I explained several times how careful I had been in my research about potential harms about the cream & the careful discussion I’d had with my GP and the Breast Cancer team.  My husband explained too to reinforce my message.  However, this guy was of the same opinion of his lead surgeon that I should have accepted a coil to treat my Gynaecological problem.

I did eventually manage to get him off his high horse by asking about what other options were open to me.  We talked through how an MRI might be useful, but how difficult that might be if it went on for more than 25 minutes (it’s very painful for me to lay on my back).  I brought up the possibility of having a hysterectomy.  Surprisingly, he didn’t dismiss this idea out of hand.  In fact, he showed an interest in this.  We talked over my lung issues & how the anaesthetist might not agree to perform surgery on me as this would be considered elective surgery (of course, medics always give me a general anaesthetic if they need to do emergency surgery).  We talked over the time I could potentially spend recovering on the ward & then recovering at home.  

The consultation was going better but he annoyed me once again by saying that he wasn’t convinced that a hysterectomy would take away the pain I’m in.  He didn’t give me an explanation as to why this might be.  If I get the painful bits removed, then why would I still be in pain?

Then he fobbed me off with a different cream to take for seven nights.  He explained that this would cure a particular side effect.  He ended by saying that he’d follow up sometime with a telephone review.  And that was that.

I knew the cream would have absolutely no impact on the side effect.  But I also knew that I had to use it because I recognise that at times, I have to ‘play the game’ of doing everything that the surgeon asks of me because it’s only when this list is exhausted, then I might get some serious treatment.

I contacted my GP & my Breast Cancer team seeking answers & reassurance.  My GP, Breast Cancer nurse and Oncologist all agreed that the particular cream that the Gynaecologist was dead against, was safe for me to use, but the coil was not because of the difference in the ‘absorption rates.’  The Oncologist then wrote to my GP to confirm that this particular cream was safe & I’m going to forward the letter on to the Gynaecologist in the hope that it gets him off my case!

The Breast Cancer nurse reminded me that it was the Oncologist that was treating me for Breast Cancer, not the Gynaecologist, & to keep this at the forefront of all the discussions that I have with him.  She’s absolutely right.

But of course, the Gynaecologist has put into my mind that by using this cream, I might be unwittingly causing my cancer to return & that I’ve made the wrong choice.  That I’m now in danger & this is all of my own making.

I’m thinking very hard about whether I’ll continue with a cream that’s helping me with some of the awful, awful menopause side effects.  I have in my head that my Gynaecologist might not agree to investigate my gynaecological issue further or do something about it if I continue with this cream.

At least I can have a bit of fun at the Gynaecologist’s expenses when I tell him that the seven-day course of treatment that he prescribed had no effect whatsoever!

“Stay Away Fools.”  I have to deal with so many of them in my life.  Sigh.

Peakhill Farm, Theberton, Leiston, Suffolk – bloggers own photo.

Alt Text: A small copse with tall trees at night.  A lantern hangs from one of the trees, shedding some light on the these & the yellowing leaves with the grass & mud on the ground. Staked into the ground is a sign that says “Stay Away Fools” in pink capital letters.  There is another sentence written in black pen underneath the slogan but this is unreadable.